How couples can protect retirement savings when starting a family

Molly Haylett was thirty years old, working as a financial adviser in Essex, when her first child arrived unplanned. She and her husband Taylor, a train driver, had been earning roughly the same amount. But once she stepped back to care for the baby, the household math shifted. "Taylor's career propelled and mine took a step back," she says. "There's an unintended impact on the person who spends more time at home with the kids."

What the Hayletts did next is something most couples never discuss. While Molly was off work, Taylor began making pension contributions on her behalf. It was a deliberate choice to protect her retirement, not just his. "We were looking after both our futures, not just Taylor's," Molly explains. She now believes far more couples should have this conversation before children arrive. When she mentioned it to a friend who was planning to leave work after having a baby, the friend asked how she would even broach the subject with her partner. Molly's answer was direct: "You've got to just ask him."

Taylor, thirty-three, admits he didn't know this was possible before Molly suggested it. But he was willing. "We committed to a life together and if I could help out I would and I was pleased that I did," he says. He describes himself as less organized than Molly when it comes to budgeting, but insists on staying involved in their financial decisions. "I don't just give her money and let her do what she wants. We have open conversations and she'll talk me through it."

The Hayletts' approach addresses a real gap in how families plan. Research by Octopus Money found that more than a third of parents reduced or paused their pension contributions during parental leave. Worse, sixty-three percent didn't know their partner could contribute to their pension on their behalf. Under UK rules, a partner can make what's called a third-party pension contribution. For someone with no or low earnings, up to £2,880 can be paid into a pension each tax year, and with basic-rate tax relief that amount rises to £3,600. If the recipient is still earning, their partner can contribute further, subject to pension limits.

Katie Guild, co-founder of the financial community Nugget Savings, explains how the pension gap widens during maternity leave. An employee's own contributions fall as their pay drops, and they may stop altogether during unpaid leave. She recommends couples consider whether the working partner could help make up that shortfall. Before a baby arrives, she suggests working through key financial questions together—advice that sounds simple but matters because these conversations are far easier before sleep deprivation and newborn chaos set in.

The Hayletts now have two children, aged two and five. They were much more prepared the second time around and stopped viewing household costs as something that needed to be split exactly fifty-fifty. Each earns around £60,000 and they maintain separate bank accounts alongside a joint account for bills, but they adjust contributions when circumstances change. During Molly's maternity leave, they shifted the split. She's found it helpful to "view finances as a household" rather than as individuals keeping score.

They've extended their financial planning to their children. Both kids have pensions set up from birth, funded through monthly direct debits—what Molly calls "a gift for the future" since the money can't be touched until they're in their sixties. They also use Junior ISAs, though Molly notes with dry humor that once the children are old enough, the money becomes theirs to spend "and if they want to, they can take that money and blow it in Ibiza." Their five-year-old earns a couple of pounds for small jobs rather than having everything bought for her, and they're beginning to teach the concept of delayed gratification—spend a pound now or wait and potentially have more later.

Guild advises couples to check what support is available, including funded childcare hours and Tax-Free Childcare. She emphasizes that money conversations shouldn't stop once parental leave begins. The real work happens when couples sit down before the baby arrives and ask themselves the hard questions about who will earn, who will care, and what that means for both their futures.