Big boys don't cry. Pull your boots. Keep a stiff upper lip.
On Vancouver Island, five men vanished into circumstances shaped long before their disappearances — by untreated mental illness, addiction, and the quiet devastation of a culture that teaches men to suffer alone. A true-crime podcast called Gone Boys, launched in 2021, has drawn these cases together not merely as mysteries to be solved, but as a collective reckoning with what society loses when vulnerability is mistaken for weakness. Their stories ask an older question: what becomes of those who needed help but were never taught how to ask for it?
- Five men — Kelly McLeod, Brandon Cairney, Desmond Peter, Ian Henry, and Daniel MacDonnell — disappeared from Vancouver Island, each carrying the weight of untreated mental illness, trauma, and addiction.
- Experts warn that poverty and social exclusion made these men easy targets, while masculine socialization ensured they were unlikely to seek the help that might have protected them.
- Men die by suicide at three to four times the rate of women, yet consistently underuse mental health services — a gap researchers trace directly to cultural conditioning that frames vulnerability as failure.
- The absence of fathers in many of these men's lives compounded the crisis, leaving them without role models who might have shown that emotional openness and strength can coexist.
- UBC psychologist Dr. John Ogrodniczuk built HeadsUpGuys, an online platform designed to reach men through the channel they already trust — the internet — bypassing the stigma that keeps them from traditional care.
- The Gone Boys podcast releases new episodes each Monday, not as a solution, but as a public naming of what silence and systemic neglect can cost.
Daniel MacDonnell was a Nova Scotia-born fisherman who had made his life on the water near Port Alberni. His father Colin remembers a man of warm heart and volatile moods — swings pronounced enough that Colin suspected undiagnosed bipolar disorder, a suspicion that grew as Danny became entangled with drugs. In December 2016, Danny disappeared. Colin is certain his son met with foul play.
Danny is one of five men whose vanishings form the backbone of Gone Boys, a true-crime podcast launched in 2021. The five — Kelly McLeod, Brandon Cairney, Desmond Peter, Ian Henry, and Daniel MacDonnell — share more than a geography. All were struggling with mental illness, trauma, and addiction. Experts believe the poverty and social exclusion that so often accompany untreated illness would have made them vulnerable, whether to exploitation or violence. None of the families accept suicide as an answer. Yet the conditions that raise suicide risk and the conditions that raise the risk of a violent end are, troublingly, the same.
Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, director of the UBC Psychotherapy Program, has spent years studying why men resist the help they need. The statistics are unsparing: men die by suicide at three to four times the rate of women, yet use mental health services far less. He traces this to masculine socialization — the childhood refrains that instruct boys to show no weakness, ask for nothing, and present an unbreakable face. Shame enforces the lesson. Vulnerability becomes failure.
A second thread runs through these men's lives: most grew up without their fathers. Ogrodniczuk notes that the absence of a male role model leaves a particular kind of wound — no one to demonstrate that emotional openness and strength can coexist. Many of his male clients, he says, describe feeling lost for never having had a close male mentor.
Colin MacDonnell carries the weight of knowing his son could not accept that he needed help. The regret is not blame — it is the quiet grief of a father who saw the trajectory and could not alter it.
Ogrodniczuk's response has been HeadsUpGuys, an online resource built around a simple insight: men seek health information on the internet before they ever consider a therapist's office. By meeting men where they already are, the platform removes the threshold that masculine socialization makes so difficult to cross. Gone Boys, meanwhile, releases new episodes each Monday — not as prevention, but as reckoning, surfacing what was hidden and asking why so many men in crisis found no path to safety.
Daniel MacDonnell was a fisherman who loved the water. He owned a commercial boat in Port Alberni and spent most of his time on the ocean, working the nets and lines that had drawn him west from Nova Scotia to British Columbia. His friends called him Danny or Newfie. His father, Colin, remembers a son who could shift like weather—sweet one moment, sharp-tongued the next. "He had a really good heart but sometimes he got over excited he had a pretty bad temper at times," Colin recalls. The mood swings were pronounced enough that Colin came to suspect his son was wrestling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, a suspicion that deepened when Danny became involved with drugs. In December 2016, Danny vanished.
Daniel MacDonnell is one of five men whose disappearances are now the subject of a true-crime podcast called Gone Boys, which launched in 2021 to examine a troubling pattern on Vancouver Island. The men—Kelly McLeod, Brandon Cairney, Desmond Peter, Ian Henry, and Daniel MacDonnell—share more than just geography. All of them were struggling with mental illness. All of them were dealing with trauma and addiction. Experts interviewed for the series believe that the poverty and social exclusion that often accompany untreated mental illness would have made these men vulnerable targets, whether for exploitation or violence.
None of the families believe their sons died by suicide. Colin MacDonnell is certain his son met with foul play. Yet the factors that might increase suicide risk—isolation, untreated mental illness, substance abuse, family fracture—are the same factors that would make a man vulnerable to a violent end. The distinction matters less than the underlying truth: these men needed help they did not receive.
Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, a professor and director of the UBC Psychotherapy Program, has spent years studying why men resist mental health services. The numbers are stark. Men utilize mental health resources at far lower rates than women, despite having suicide rates three to four times higher. Ogrodniczuk points to masculine socialization as a primary culprit—the cultural messaging that begins in childhood. "Big boys don't cry, pull your boots, keep a stiff upper lip, don't show any weakness or vulnerability," he says, listing the refrains that teach boys to rely only on themselves, to present an unbreakable face to the world. Shame enforces conformity. Vulnerability becomes weakness. Asking for help becomes failure.
Another thread runs through the lives of the missing men: most grew up in divorced families without their fathers present. Ogrodniczuk emphasizes that the absence of a male role model leaves a significant gap. Fathers play a role in helping children develop confidence, resilience, and a sense of being loved. Without that presence, many men report feeling lost. "I've had many male clients say, 'I've never had a close male role model or a male mentor in my life,' and they feel kind of lost because of that," he explains. The combination of masculine socialization that forbids vulnerability and the absence of a father figure who might model emotional openness creates a particular kind of isolation.
Colin MacDonnell wishes his son had sought help. "It's too bad that people, many people, don't accept that they are that way," he says. "I mean, you could never explain to Danny that he was like that because it was, all the world was at fault and not him. He would never accept that." The regret is clear—not blame, but the weight of knowing that intervention might have changed the trajectory.
Ogrodniczuk has attempted to address the problem through HeadsUpGuys, an online resource designed specifically to support men struggling with depression. The approach is deliberate: research shows that men turn to the internet first when seeking health information and self-help strategies. Rather than waiting for men to walk into a therapist's office—something masculine socialization teaches them to resist—HeadsUpGuys meets them where they already are. It creates a space explicitly for men, about men, removing the stigma that might otherwise keep them away.
The Gone Boys podcast continues to release new episodes every Monday, telling the stories of Vancouver Island's missing men. Each episode is an attempt to surface what was hidden, to name what was not spoken, to ask why so many men in crisis found no pathway to safety. The work is not prevention in the traditional sense. It is, instead, a reckoning with what happens when untreated illness, family fracture, and cultural silence converge.
Notable Quotes
He had a really good heart but sometimes he got over excited he had a pretty bad temper at times.— Colin MacDonnell, describing his son Daniel
Men don't utilize health services nearly to the rate that they should and particularly mental health resources.— Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, UBC Psychotherapy Program
The Hearth Conversation Another angle on the story
Why does the podcast focus so heavily on mental illness rather than, say, the investigation into what happened to these men?
Because the investigation may never be solved. But the pattern—the vulnerability these men shared—that's something we can understand and potentially interrupt. The podcast is asking: what made them targets in the first place?
You mention that families don't believe their sons died by suicide. Why is that distinction important?
Because it matters how we talk about these deaths. If we frame it as suicide, we risk reinforcing the idea that the men themselves were the problem. But the real problem was isolation, untreated illness, and a culture that taught them never to ask for help.
Ogrodniczuk talks about masculine socialization. Isn't that just how men are?
No. It's how men are taught to be. There's a difference. The messaging—don't cry, don't show weakness, handle it alone—that's cultural, not biological. Which means it can change.
Why does the absence of a father figure matter so much?
Because a father can model something crucial: that it's okay to be vulnerable, to struggle, to ask for help. Without that example, a boy learns only the opposite—that strength means silence.
HeadsUpGuys meets men on the internet. Why is that a breakthrough?
Because it removes the barrier of walking into an office and admitting you need help. Men are already on the internet looking for answers. You're not asking them to change their behavior; you're just putting the resource where they're already looking.
Do you think the podcast will prevent future disappearances?
Not directly. But it might change how we talk about men in crisis. It might make a father listen differently to his son. It might make a man feel less alone. Those small shifts matter.