Adolescence is not withdrawal. It is the work of becoming yourself.
Cuando la pandemia encerró a las familias peruanas bajo el mismo techo, emergió una pregunta que pocas veces se había formulado con tanta urgencia: ¿cómo se habla de verdad con un adolescente? Daniel Contreras, especialista de UNICEF en educación y adolescencia, propone una mirada que transforma el problema: la adolescencia no es retirada sino construcción de identidad, y el aislamiento, lejos de ser solo una carga, puede convertirse en una oportunidad para que padres e hijos se encuentren de manera más honesta y profunda. Lo que el momento exige no es control, sino conversación, estructura y empatía.
- El confinamiento prolongado convirtió la convivencia familiar en un territorio de tensión, donde padres y adolescentes se enfrentaron sin las herramientas para entenderse.
- La desinformación circula a gran velocidad en las redes que los jóvenes habitan, y sin una voz adulta confiable, el miedo y la xenofobia llenan el vacío.
- La ausencia de rutinas erosiona la credibilidad de los padres: sin estructura, los adolescentes dejan de creer en las reglas y los planes que los adultos proponen.
- Las familias están intentando reconstruir el vínculo a través del diálogo transparente, proyectos compartidos y acuerdos sobre el uso responsable de la tecnología.
- El punto de llegada no es solo sobrevivir el aislamiento, sino aprovechar la influencia entre pares para que los adolescentes se conviertan en agentes de solidaridad y ciudadanía responsable.
Cuando la pandemia obligó a las familias a encerrarse, padres y adolescentes peruanos se encontraron conviviendo más tiempo del que llevaban años compartiendo, y la fricción fue inmediata. Daniel Contreras, especialista de UNICEF en educación y adolescencia, ofrece una perspectiva que puede cambiar el enfoque: la adolescencia no es una fase de alejamiento, sino un período de construcción de identidad. Lo que parece distancia es, en realidad, el trabajo de volverse autónomo. El aislamiento, entonces, no es un obstáculo para la comunicación familiar, sino una oportunidad inesperada.
El primer paso es hablar directamente sobre lo que ocurre en el mundo. Los padres suelen asumir que sus hijos, por pasar horas conectados, ya entienden la situación, pero la desinformación viaja tan rápido como los hechos. Explicar la pandemia con transparencia —por qué el aislamiento importa, qué es verdad y qué es rumor— permite a los adultos convertirse en la voz autorizada que los adolescentes, aunque no lo demuestren siempre, sí quieren escuchar. Y después de explicar, hay que escuchar: preguntar cómo se sienten, dejar que hagan preguntas. No es una conferencia; es una conversación.
La rutina es el segundo pilar. Sin estructura, las familias pierden credibilidad ante sus adolescentes. Los horarios no necesitan ser rígidos, pero deben existir, y todos en el hogar deben tener un rol claro. Mantener la mente activa es igualmente importante: leer, escribir, dibujar, cocinar juntos o aprender algo nuevo en grupo crea momentos de conexión genuina y da a los jóvenes la sensación de que su tiempo tiene propósito. Internet, visto a menudo como enemigo de la vida familiar, puede redirigirse hacia el aprendizaje si la intención es clara.
El uso de pantallas merece atención propia. No basta con la vigilancia: la confianza es indispensable. Los padres deben construir un ambiente donde los adolescentes se sientan cómodos mostrando lo que consumen en línea, sin miedo al castigo. Los límites funcionan mejor cuando se basan en la comprensión mutua.
Finalmente, Contreras subraya la responsabilidad de guiar a los jóvenes hacia la empatía en un momento en que el miedo alimenta la xenofobia y la discriminación. Los adolescentes observan todo esto en su entorno y en sus redes. Los padres deben ayudarles a entender que el virus no distingue origen ni condición, y que lo que el momento exige es solidaridad. Lejos de ser predicación abstracta, esto es formación ciudadana. Y los adolescentes, cuando los adultos que respetan les muestran el camino, suelen estar dispuestos a ser parte de algo más grande que ellos mismos.
When the pandemic forced families indoors, something unexpected happened in homes across Peru: parents and teenagers found themselves in closer quarters than they had been in years, and the friction was immediate. The isolation that was supposed to be temporary stretched into months, and with it came a question that many families were asking but few knew how to answer: how do you actually talk to a teenager when you're trapped together in the same house?
Daniel Contreras, an education and adolescence specialist at UNICEF, offers a reframing that might help. Adolescence, he explains, is not a phase of withdrawal from parents—a common misconception that leads many adults to give up trying. Instead, it is a period when young people are actively building their own identity and sense of self. What looks like distance is actually the work of becoming autonomous. The pandemic, then, is not a disaster for family communication so much as it is an unexpected opportunity to understand what adolescents actually need from the adults around them.
The first step is to communicate directly about what is happening in the world. Parents often assume that teenagers, because they spend hours online, already understand the news and the stakes. But information moves fast on the internet, and so does misinformation. Taking time to sit down and explain the pandemic transparently—why isolation matters, how the virus spreads, what precautions are real and which claims circulating on social media are false—gives parents a chance to be the authoritative voice their teenagers actually want to hear, even if they do not always act like it. Equally important is listening. After explaining, ask how they feel about what they have learned. Let them ask questions. This is not a lecture; it is a conversation.
Routine is the second pillar. Isolation can feel like an endless vacation, and without structure, families lose credibility with their teenagers. If parents do not organize their days, set expectations, and follow through, adolescents will stop believing in the plans and rules that adults propose. Routines do not have to be rigid, but they need to exist. Everyone in the house has a role, and adolescents need to understand that this period is not a break from responsibility—it is a different kind of responsibility.
Keeping the mind engaged is equally vital. Parents should encourage reading, writing, drawing, painting, and other activities that develop creativity and critical thinking. Family projects—cooking together, working on a shared creative endeavor, learning something new as a group—create moments of genuine connection while also giving teenagers a sense that their time has purpose. The internet, often seen as the enemy of family life, can be redirected toward learning: educational YouTube channels, e-books, online courses. The tool itself is neutral; what matters is intention.
The question of internet use deserves its own attention. This is the moment to establish clear agreements about screen time, about which apps and websites teenagers are using, and about the real dangers that exist online. But this cannot be done through surveillance alone. Trust matters. Parents should create an environment where teenagers feel comfortable showing them what they are looking at, where questions about online safety can be asked without shame or punishment. Boundaries work best when they are built on understanding, not control.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, parents have a responsibility to guide their teenagers toward empathy during a time when fear and misinformation are driving people toward blame. Xenophobia, stigma, and discrimination have flourished during the pandemic. Teenagers see this happening around them and in their social feeds. Parents need to help them understand that anyone—regardless of gender, ethnicity, nationality, or economic status—can contract the virus, and that what the moment demands is solidarity, kindness, and genuine care for others. This is not abstract moralizing. It is citizenship. And adolescents, despite their reputation for self-absorption, are often eager to be part of something larger than themselves, especially when the adults they respect show them the way.
Contreras notes that during adolescence, the opinions of peers and friends carry enormous weight. This is not a weakness to be overcome; it is an opportunity. With guidance from parents and other trusted adults, teenagers can become advocates for the responsible behaviors that will help their communities survive and recover. The isolation, in other words, is not just something to endure. It is a chance to build something.
Notable Quotes
Adolescence is a stage in which young people strengthen their autonomous identity and character, expressed through a changing relationship with adults— Daniel Contreras, UNICEF education and adolescence specialist
During adolescence, the opinions of peers and friends carry great influence, making this an opportunity for teenagers to become advocates for responsible behavior in their communities— Daniel Contreras, UNICEF
The Hearth Conversation Another angle on the story
Why does the article spend so much time saying adolescence is not about withdrawal? It seems obvious.
Because most parents believe the opposite. They think their teenager is pulling away from them, so they give up trying. The pandemic forced them to stay in the same space, and suddenly they had to figure out how to actually relate to someone they thought had already left.
So the real problem is not the teenager's behavior, but the parent's interpretation of it?
Exactly. If you understand that your teenager is building an identity, not rejecting you, you stop taking the distance personally. You start listening instead of lecturing.
The piece mentions misinformation on social media several times. Is that the biggest threat during isolation?
It is one of them. But the deeper threat is that parents assume their teenagers already know what is true. They do not. Teenagers have access to information, but they do not have the experience to sort through it. They need adults to help them think.
What about the internet use section? It sounds like the article is saying parents should trust their teenagers but also monitor them.
Yes, but not in a contradictory way. You set boundaries together, you talk about why they exist, and you create space for your teenager to come to you with questions or concerns. That is different from secretly checking their phone.
The ending talks about teenagers becoming advocates. Is that realistic when they are stuck at home?
More realistic than you might think. Adolescents care deeply about fairness and belonging. If you show them that their choices matter—that they can counter misinformation among their friends, that they can choose kindness when others choose blame—they will often rise to it.